Sunday, September 26, 2010

Jingle All The Way..

I've come to the disappointing conclusion that an alarming amount of my brain space has been filled with commercials. Jingles, slogans, catch phrases... Instead of rotting my brain (as my dad claimed it would), the TV was actually building up an impressive arsenal of obnoxious songs and sayings to distract and disrupt my everyday communication abilities.


Example: I've just completed a task and felt that it was far simpler than anticipated. What do I say to myself? "That was easy!" Then it strikes. Commercials. I freeze momentarily in horror as I realize I have just quoted an awful Staples commercial where they press that stupid red button that says "That was easy!". I shake it off though, just a coincidence, an accident really. I try to forget about it.

Maybe I'll go get an ice cream, I decide, to congratulate myself on completing the aforementioned task. I get my ice cream and I'm really in ice cream heaven. My friend asks me how it is and before I can even open my mouth, it pops into my head... "Bada bah bah bah, I'm lovin' it!" AHH! A McDonalds commercial, really? I stand speechless; grateful that I hadn't actually uttered the deep-fried, dollar menu, golden arches jingle aloud. But I must respond, so I tell my dear friend "it's not good, it's g-r-r-r-eat!". Oh dear God... Commercials have taken over my brain! I quickly say goodbye, trying to hide my shame at having actually quoted Tony the Tiger, and walk away. As I'm leaving my friend shouts to me "well, see you back in the neighborhood for the block party!". Ohh, right, block party today, how could I forget?

So I arrive that evening at the block party and immediately head to the refreshments table. Ah, so much food! Then I look to my friend, calmed by the sight of such delicious treats I hardly even see it coming before it hits me... "Eatin' good in the neighborhood!".... I just sang the Applebees jingle, I think it's time to throw out the TV... or at least buy TiVo.


Sure, okay, this story was fictitious, but based on true events! Fictional stories aside, when you really break it down--all the commercial inundation that occurred during my childhood--it looks something like this: TV--$100, basic cable--$30/month, money spent on advertising--too much.... my commercially-hijacked brain--priceless.

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